It’s pure spite.
There is literally no other reason. I think it’s a combination of my desire to force myself to be a better writer and the reality that I am still not as good as I want to be.
You know, I think it’s really easy to face these two concepts and leave it as an unfortunate cognitive dissonance. But this kind of “me vs. me” actually drove me to do a lot of other things.
For example, I wrote an album using FL studio, which I had to learn from scratch. It’s a completely instrumental album and the whole thing will become free for all to hear in a few days. Of course, it’s not great stuff – but it’s a start. And I liked the idea of jotting down a few ideas that became… well, something like a song, I guess.
And it was really all out of spite. The last few songs, I kind of ran out of ideas for what to compose, and I just decided to, well, figure something out. It made me angry that there was no other direction to go, so I kind of punched through the creativity barrier and tried to compose something from a different perspective. The last song especially – it had to be something pretty unique, but at the same time wrap it all up into a nice circle, calling back to the first song. This was an interesting experience and I think I learned that sometimes, you have to “change the process” to “change the outcome.”
So yeah, I’m not really doing this for anyone. This Rug universe is completely my own to temper with, and I really like that. It gives me free ground to do whatever I want to do with it. And that’s fun. And it should be fun! Writing, composing, these things should be done because we want to, not to please others or make money. Without this inner drive to be better, to do something that we like, there’s no passion.
And that’s why I’m taking a bit of a break. I can’t really come up with good story ideas while preparing to launch some videos about maths in starting out my YouTube channel. I just can’t do it! So I’ll be back in about a month when the dust settles.
Anyways, those are my thoughts on motivation.
The Rug 